I've changed. I have. I don't like to admit it, but I have no choice when faced with my recent actions. My long standing hostility towards the process of getting married has finally started to dissipate. Although I would never have believed it had you told me this a few months ago, it appears that with the majority of the wedding planning having been done I am starting to get, dare I say it, a little excited.
Ok, a lot excited. In a way that I find embarrassing to be honest. Like the other day I was over my friend Betsy's house. She is getting married about a month after me and she is the UBER-BRIDE. I mean that in a good way. She has been excited from day 1 about her wedding and has been in a planning frenzy since she got engaged, which was a couple of months after me. Maybe it's because she's an interior designer. She loves to be creative, and weddings give you a lot of opportunity to do that. Maybe it's because she is so happy to have found the love of her life (whereas I simply grateful it's happening before I turn 40). Maybe it's because she knows she will make such a cute bride (I have never had the word "cute" associated with me, no matter how hard I have tried over the years). She is so enthusiastic that she has more energy than she knows what to do with, so she is helping me with the parts of my wedding that I just can't seem to face. Whatever it is, she has LOVED the process of getting married, whereas I have had a slightly less exuberant approach, to say the least. (OK, let's be honest. It's been hostile. That's for you Leigha!)
Anyway, the other day I was at Betsy's and she asked if I had thought about centerpieces. Of course I hadn't. Who thinks about such things? So she started to talk about it in the context of her own wedding, but also probing me gently about my own. Betsy knows how I have felt dealing with my wedding, so she approached the topic gingerly, not wanting to set off a tirade against the wedding industry and marriage in general. But she was soon as stunned as I to find myself getting really involved in the discussion. I actually had ideas. I was able to picture things in my head. We were able to collaborate. Thanks to her fiance's previous experience at weddings I was able to come up with what I think will be a pretty cool idea!
After I left her house I called my sister to share my excitement with her. I went on and on for about 10 minutes before I realized that she hadn't said a word for some time. "Is this really boring to you?" I asked, slightly chagrined. "Yeah," she answered honestly. I felt bad for about another 2 seconds, said I was sorry, and then I kept talking for another 5 minutes. I didn't care if she was bored. These were my CENTERPIECES! How could anyone be bored by that?
I stopped at a store on the way home just to look and see if I could get any more ideas. I walked out with 5 boxes of stuff that I think I can incorporate, and if not, who cares!? I'll figure out a way to use it all. And if not, well, then I'll have ribbon for 10 years for presents!
I got home and Grant was watching something sports-like on TV. Seeing him there I was overwhelmed with how much I love him, and I had to share all my exciting news with him as well. He responded well, although not quite as enthusiastically as me. And then I was content to just sit with him for a while, pretending to watch television while I continued to plan in my head more and more of the details of the day, like whether or not I should have the napkins folded into some amusing shape.
So, at long last, I have gotten goobery. It's still there most days, and when it's not I can't wait for it to come back. In a way it's like the feeling you get when you are 6 years old and having your first really big birthday party where all your friends get to come and you know you are going to have the best-day-EVER! So I can't wait to share hat day with all of you. And if you don't like my centerpieces, SHOVE IT! (I say that with love people.)
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