Hostile Bride

I had a conversation with a good friend of mine recently about this blog. She commented that it had a "hostile" tone. I disagreed, and explained that it was supposed to be funny. You know, in that New York sarcastic humor sort of way, which is a part of who I am and has always accompanied my personal observations about life, love, and the pursuit of a new pair of shoes. I figured she just didn't "get" it. After all, she's from Indiana. What do they know about sarcasm?

Later that weekend I called my older sister and asked her if she thought it was hostile. She agreed, saying that it does come off sometimes as hostile. Well, I didn't want to hear that so when she started to get annoyed because she was trying to have a conversation with me while simultaneously giving her kids a bath, I told her she shouldn't pick up the phone when people call if she doesn't have time to talk to them. Then I hung up. (Unfortunately even now when talking to my sisters I can immediately be transported back in time to the age of 10 if we get into an argument. I'm working on it!)

What she said concerned me. She's from New York, and she agreed with Indiana. So I called a third person, my friend Connie in Seattle. I figured I should have feedback from as wide a demographic as possible. Plus, she gets my humor almost more than anyone else I have met since moving to the West Coast. To my surprise she said that while she totally gets what I write when I write it, it does come off as "hostile".

Which brings me to this blog entry. I feel compelled to clarify what this blog is about. It is not meant to be hostile. Snarky, perhaps. Sarcastic, definitely. Bitchy? Sure. But hostile, no way!

Maybe it's what that word means to me. It means having an angry attitude towards another, and undeservedly so. Sure, my entries sound a bit like rants, but in my defense (without being defensive) the process of getting married feels to me like something that absolutely deserves to have hostility directed towards it. It's incredibly time consuming. It's expensive. If you are someone who likes to be in control (read "anyone in the legal profession") it feels as if you are being assaulted by magazines and books and websites and hundreds of opinions from the outside telling you what you must do. And as I learned recently, the choices you make can spawn very emotional reactions by people who are neither the bride or the groom!

All of these things are the exact opposite of me. I am a "big picture" kind of gal. Details drive me insane. I don't have a lot of time on my hands to worry about what types of chairs or plates or water glasses I need for what is essentially just a big party. I like to be in the driver's seat, and I've seen several friends end up having weddings other than what they wanted to accommodate the wishes of friends and family. I want to get things done efficiently, with as little fuss or muss as possible, and I have learned over the years that many times the only way to do that is to do it myself. As a result I have a very direct and dispassionate approach to the actual wedding. Once the actual week of the wedding gets here it will be different. And it will be different because I will have taken care of everything well in advance so I don't have to worry.

I know, I know. "It takes a village," and marriage is all about "community". But right now I don't know of any other villagers marrying Grant or footing the bill for this puppy, so to me the whole "community" aspect of this will be the weekend of the wedding. When people are guests and can relax and enjoy the utterly stress free experience of our marriage. Until then, stay out of my way. (And please don't tell me to hire a wedding coordinator unless you are going to volunteer to pay for it, ok?)

Because of this approach I am going to have a more difficult time than some people who get married. When I take a minute to look at the vast fields of information out there available to would-be brides I see that what I want for our wedding is not what how I am "supposed" to do. This makes me defensive. I react negatively. It stresses me OUT. And that's ok.

My relief is this blog. I don't write about how happy I am all the time since Grant and I decided to get married, but I am. I don't go one and on about how every day I fall more in love with him, although I do. You will not read about how excited I was when I found my actual dress, or see a picture of it, because I don't need this for that. Those feelings are more personal, and I keep those to myself or I share them face-to-face. But this blog (for me) is to provide a brief respite from all the chaos that I seem to encounter when I take on a new task on the never ending "to do" list that comes with every wedding.

So if it helps consider this a "bitch blog". However, I will also try and keep in mind that if all you did was read this blog and never talked to me about what was going on you would have a pretty negative impression about how I feel about the wedding. I will try and keep this in mind and include "happy" thoughts and pieces of information as well. I vow, I will try and be less "hostile" and be more open to the idea of enjoying this process. Maybe when I read those magazine articles I should just think to myself how lucky I am that I am not getting suckered into having something that I am "supposed" to have vs. what I "want" to have. Maybe I should embrace the idea of friends and family helping me with what is the biggest event I have ever had to plan (and I have planned some big events). Perhaps, just perhaps, this is an opportunity to grow closer to those in my community, as we join forces together and work towards making my wedding day the happiest day of my life!

Yeah And maybe pigs will fly out of my ass.

Kidding!