Go ahead, ASK!

What's up with people? I just got engaged. I have met the person who makes me happier than anyone ever has and he asked if I would spend my life with him. I said yes. And to seal the deal he gave me a RING. A beautiful, perfect, one of a kind ring that is exactly what I wanted. (Ok, I picked it out, so of course it's exactly what I wanted, but he paid for it). This beautiful symbol of the commitment we have made is on my finger, and I have no intention of taking if off. Ever.

Much to my disapointment not a single person has asked to see the ring when I have happily announced we have gotten engaged. Ok, that's not quite true. My two girlfriends who helped me pick it out wanted to see it once it was officially on my finger. And they had seen it before. But no one else has asked. Wait, let me qualify that. Virtually no one in Portland has asked. My friend Connie in Seattle grabbed my finger as soon as I walked in the house. And an even further qualification. People in grocery stores and other random strangers have commented on the ring. Just not the folks who I have talked to about getting engaged!

I get it. We are living in the age of alternative relationships. Some people are domestic partners. Some are in committed relationships. Some are married under the common law. You don't want to be impolite and ask to see the ring when, in fact, there may not be one. Maybe that's a little too traditional for some folks. Fine. But if I am telling you I am engaged there is a very good chance a ring is involved. When I tell you I got engaged at least GLANCE at my finger! Believe me, when I am talking to you I am simultaneously positioning my hand so you can see it.

As open minded as I am on many subjects I think I have been pretty adamant in recent years that after several long term relationships that didn't work out (failed is such a loaded word) it was important to me to meet the right person, get engaged, and then get married. I recall being pretty clear about that with friends when the subject came up. And as one of the last single girls in my community of friends, believe me, it came up a lot! Not only did I talk about it, let's also not forget that I am from NY. I am Italian. We get engagement rings. Usually gigantic ones that cause arthritis. But when no one asked I started to question how well my friends actually knew me!

I know it goes against the incredibly pc nature of Portland, but let me assure you that you are not being rude by asking if you can see the ring. In fact, if you don't ask you are being even more impolite. Without that request I am put in the incredibly uncomfortable position of having to say, "Do you want to see the ring?" Then I end up standing there with an awkward smile, holding up my hand so you can take a gander at such a magnificent symbol of our love. This makes me feel like some money hungry social climber who's all excited she got some new bling, when that is absolutely not the case. I love this ring and what it represents. I am happy to show it to people. I WANT to show it to people. Both because of its meaning for Grant and I, and it's also just a really nice piece of jewelry. If I got a new pair of earrings and you noticed them you might comment on them. If you didn't and I was excited about them I might say "Hey, check out my new earrings!" But for some reason pointing out my engagement ring feels much less comfortable. So please, ask!

Thank god I got a break from that when I went to NY recently for a vacation. It's the exact opposite there. Not asking means you don't care, and not caring is pretty rude. Especially for Italians. Everyone there knew about the engagement, so the first thing they did after hugging me hello was to say, "Soooooooo, let's see the ring!" Sometimes they didn't even hug me first. They intercepted my hug with a quick grab of my left arm and spun me around so my hand would be in the best light and they could examine the ring closely. I am happy to report that it passed inspection.

Some things never change.

Some things should.

Step outside your comfort zones and ask me,

if you would.

Hugs!
Sonia

PS

And just to show you that I am not that traditional, I do not think it's fair that women are traditionally the only beneficiaries when couples get engaged (at least in the material sense). Grant didn't want a ring, so instead a bought him a traveling guitar. He picked it out. So I think we're even. :)