Sometimes, Less is More

Well, it has happened. After much (internal) debate, delay, and distraction, we have a new location for our wedding. Providence provided and Still Meadows Community was available on July 25th. And this is going to be a very good thing.

First, it is a much more convenient location for folks coming from across the country (such as my parents). Second, it has on-site lodging (that actually is quite a bit nicer than what was at Silver Falls). Third, it has a big indoor area. Fourth, we will be the only ones there, which is also really nice. Best of all, we get it for the ENTIRE WEEKEND! We only had Silver Falls for less than 24 hours.

This is going to allow us to remain much closer to the original vision of the wedding (see first post, ignore ridiculous idea of a budget of $6,000!). We have to take care of food, which frankly I am not concerned about. We get to bring in our own booze, with no markup. We also don't have to rent all the rooms. If people don't fill up the rooms, they just stay empty. It's on 60 acres, only 20 minutes from our house. This makes it much more feasible for Portlanders with children to get a babysitter for the event (hint-hint), which is how we are handling the need to limit the event to 150 people. (All we are doing is asking people. We won't insist, but if you are not willing to hire yourself a babysitter don't be surprised if you find yourself eating at a table in the dark recesses of the furnace room). There is a new link on the side of the blog so folks can see the new location.


In other good news Silver Falls very generously agreed to refund all but $50 of our deposit! Amazing! I wasn't sure what to do about it, and I was ready to lose it. Several people suggested that I make up a really sad story. Sorry, can't do that. As a lawyer lying is a breach of our professional code of responsibility. Plus, karma is a bitch. My friend's mom suggested I ask if I could get a credit in that amount instead. I let that morph into an idea that I thought would be even better. Instead of a credit that I would use, what if I got gift certificates and was able to donate them to various auctions around town? That seemed like the best of both worlds.

When I called I was prepared to explain that I simply didn't think my family could handle a trip to Silver Falls for my wedding. And I seriously don't. My parents are getting up there in years (sorry mom and dad, but even you will admit it's true!). It's a lot to ask your parents, not to mention my sister Maria and her husband and 2 kids, to fly across the country to a strange place, be surrounded by a lot of craziness like the rehearsal dinner, meeting Grant's parents, dozens of friends, etc., then after 3 days shove them into a couple of cars for an hour and a 1/2 trip to someplace where they can stay overnight for one night, have the wedding, then get up early the next morning and pack up, cram them back into a car and then shove them on a plane for an overnight flight to NY! I want them to enjoy their time here, and I think it would just be overwhelming for them.

When I called Silver Falls and explained who I was and started out by saying that I had to cancel the wedding. The woman on the other line was silent and then came out with, "Oh, I'm so sorry." I explained that I was as well. Before I got to the reason I said that I knew the deposit was not refundable and told her what I wanted to do. The woman I was speaking with said that she would talk to the owner and get back to me. She called later that day and said they would give back all but $50! It was such unexpected news, I almost started crying! I told her that and she said "Oh no! Please don't cry!" I thanked her profusely.

But as we hung up she said something odd. She said "Have a good life." I said I knew I would. And then it hit me. They thought I had been jilted! They felt sorry for me so they gave back the money! At least, I am pretty sure they did. What am I supposed to do at that point? Call them back and say, "Hey, I think you gave me this money back because you think I got jilted! That's not what actually happened. Do you want the money back?" Ummm, no, I don't see myself doing that. Besides, what if they didn't think that? What if they refunded the money simply because it was the right thing to do 11 months before the wedding? Wouldn't that be insulting? It would be as if I were doubting their motive for this kind act. That would be just plain rude! And I really wouldn't want to do that.

However, I do foresee myself buying a gift certificate for a weekend at Silver Falls and donating it to an upcoming auction. :)

Vegans - Beware our Wedding!

I am going to apologize in advance to any vegans that might be attending the wedding for this post. Please do not feel the need explain to me that I am being unfair about vegan food, or that some Vegan food is good (like Connie will no doubt want to do because of her weakness for vegan donuts). First off, even I will admit even vegans can make a delicious chocolate torte. More importantly people need to keep in mind that while these posts are meant document what is going on with me/Grant during this whole crazy process they are also meant to be funny. The point of this post is just to share something that happened to me and how it will relate to the wedding. Besides, I couldn't think of anything else to write.

I was starving this morning when I went to work. I went to the gym first, and became even hungrier. I did not have a chance to go to the store this week, so I had to buy breakfast downtown. I get there – and I realize I left my debit card at home. I have no cash. I beg $10 in petty cash from the office manager and run downstairs with anticipation to get a yummy mushroom and cheese biscuit from the cool coffee shop across the street. I have also decided to drink some coffee with caffeine this morning because I am so tired from staying up late and watching the Olympics. I am very excited, because this is going to be much more delicious than my usual Luna Bar. Crap! The line is out the door. No way am I waiting for that, I am too hungry. So I settle for the next closest coffee shop, Peets, which I hate because their coffee is too bitter. But I am starving now.

I get there and decide to try get something healthy, even though I really want the cranberry walnut scone. I ask the girl behind the counter what the “Smart Muffin” is. She says it has really good stuff in it: carrots, ginger, nutmeg, oats, etc. Lots of calories but low in fat. I say ok and order what I know will be gross coffee. As she is putting it in the bag I ask her to wait a minute, because the scone is calling loudly to me. “NO!” I tell myself, “Eat the healthier thing!” I tell her to continue. As she goes to pour the coffee my hunger overtakes me and I can no longer wait for food. I rip a piece off the top of the muffin and eagerly cram it in my mouth.

After two chews I know something is wrong. Knowing the answer already I ask the girl “Is this vegan?” “”Oh, yes, is that important?” she asks, with this blank look on her face.

I cannot believe how fucking CLUELESS some people are! I ask you specifically about the product I am going to buy and you forget to mention that it has no butter or other animal products in it, which means it will be tasteless and have the consistency of sawdust? Why would I ever want to know that?! When I explain to her that I could tell from the taste it was vegan she says that she thinks the woman who makes these does a good job. I explain that regardless, I can always tell when I eat a vegan baked good. She says, “Yeah, me too,” and looks at me and smiles as if we can bond over that. She doesn’t realize that makes me want to throw the muffin in her face.

I didn’t do anything or try and return it because I had already tried it. But it was very frustrating because of all the effort that had gone into getting the freaking muffin and the build up. Plus, why is it a “Smart Muffin” because it's vegan? What an arrogant name! Am I somehow not as smart as a vegan because I actually want food that is edible? It’s one of the few occasions where the difference between Pdx and NY stands out. I wouldn’t be able to find a vegan muffin if I tried in NY! (Thankfully!) I will never go to Peets again, and I will always ask if any baked good I get in this town is vegan, because this is not the first time this has happened.

Ok, rant done. If this is the worst of my worries I live a blessed life. And it pretty much is.
However, this is a heads up to my vegan guests. After what happened today I can assure you that there will be little to no food suitable for vegans at the wedding. There might be salad. But I can't promise there won't be bacon on top.

Go ahead, ASK!

What's up with people? I just got engaged. I have met the person who makes me happier than anyone ever has and he asked if I would spend my life with him. I said yes. And to seal the deal he gave me a RING. A beautiful, perfect, one of a kind ring that is exactly what I wanted. (Ok, I picked it out, so of course it's exactly what I wanted, but he paid for it). This beautiful symbol of the commitment we have made is on my finger, and I have no intention of taking if off. Ever.

Much to my disapointment not a single person has asked to see the ring when I have happily announced we have gotten engaged. Ok, that's not quite true. My two girlfriends who helped me pick it out wanted to see it once it was officially on my finger. And they had seen it before. But no one else has asked. Wait, let me qualify that. Virtually no one in Portland has asked. My friend Connie in Seattle grabbed my finger as soon as I walked in the house. And an even further qualification. People in grocery stores and other random strangers have commented on the ring. Just not the folks who I have talked to about getting engaged!

I get it. We are living in the age of alternative relationships. Some people are domestic partners. Some are in committed relationships. Some are married under the common law. You don't want to be impolite and ask to see the ring when, in fact, there may not be one. Maybe that's a little too traditional for some folks. Fine. But if I am telling you I am engaged there is a very good chance a ring is involved. When I tell you I got engaged at least GLANCE at my finger! Believe me, when I am talking to you I am simultaneously positioning my hand so you can see it.

As open minded as I am on many subjects I think I have been pretty adamant in recent years that after several long term relationships that didn't work out (failed is such a loaded word) it was important to me to meet the right person, get engaged, and then get married. I recall being pretty clear about that with friends when the subject came up. And as one of the last single girls in my community of friends, believe me, it came up a lot! Not only did I talk about it, let's also not forget that I am from NY. I am Italian. We get engagement rings. Usually gigantic ones that cause arthritis. But when no one asked I started to question how well my friends actually knew me!

I know it goes against the incredibly pc nature of Portland, but let me assure you that you are not being rude by asking if you can see the ring. In fact, if you don't ask you are being even more impolite. Without that request I am put in the incredibly uncomfortable position of having to say, "Do you want to see the ring?" Then I end up standing there with an awkward smile, holding up my hand so you can take a gander at such a magnificent symbol of our love. This makes me feel like some money hungry social climber who's all excited she got some new bling, when that is absolutely not the case. I love this ring and what it represents. I am happy to show it to people. I WANT to show it to people. Both because of its meaning for Grant and I, and it's also just a really nice piece of jewelry. If I got a new pair of earrings and you noticed them you might comment on them. If you didn't and I was excited about them I might say "Hey, check out my new earrings!" But for some reason pointing out my engagement ring feels much less comfortable. So please, ask!

Thank god I got a break from that when I went to NY recently for a vacation. It's the exact opposite there. Not asking means you don't care, and not caring is pretty rude. Especially for Italians. Everyone there knew about the engagement, so the first thing they did after hugging me hello was to say, "Soooooooo, let's see the ring!" Sometimes they didn't even hug me first. They intercepted my hug with a quick grab of my left arm and spun me around so my hand would be in the best light and they could examine the ring closely. I am happy to report that it passed inspection.

Some things never change.

Some things should.

Step outside your comfort zones and ask me,

if you would.

Hugs!
Sonia

PS

And just to show you that I am not that traditional, I do not think it's fair that women are traditionally the only beneficiaries when couples get engaged (at least in the material sense). Grant didn't want a ring, so instead a bought him a traveling guitar. He picked it out. So I think we're even. :)

SAVE TWO DATES!

Sorry, it's been longer than I like for a blog post. But Grant returned this weekend from FIVE WEEKS in Mexico and all I had to get the house ready (because he doesn't know it, but I am a huge slob when no one is around). I appreciate when folks read and comment, so please continue to do so!

Anyway, now we have TWO possible dates. Here's why. I know we agreed on Silver Falls, but the more I thought about it the more I felt like Still Meadows was going to be the type of place we want to have our wedding. So last Saturday Grant and I drove out there to check the place out. And I felt like it really is perfect. We knocked on the door of one of the women who work there to talk about it (unfortunately not realizing it was her day off).

She was kind enough to let us wander around. Grant loved it as well. Then we were informed that there was an error in booking and July 25th MAY be available. Another group had asked that two ten day spots be held. One was the week of July 25th. The other was the weekend of August 15th. They will decide in 2 weeks. So, until then, I guess we don't know when we are getting married. And we still don't know if it will be there because if the price is too much then we won't. They said they'd have updated prices for us in the next few days. So long as we get them before the next time we have to make a deposit with Silver Falls that's fine.

So in other words, Save Two Dates! Either July 25th (keep your fingers crossed, I really want that weekend because then we will be able to take a 2 week honeymoon), or August 15th (which will just get me in under the gun in terms of my requirement that I be married before I turn 40 [birthday is 8/22!]).

More planning (and posts) to come!