I Don't Have the Bride Gene

I don't. Seriously. At first I started to think there was something wrong with me. Like I didn't really wan to get married. Now I realize it is simply a genetic "distinction." (Defect is such an ugly word, don't you think?) I am just not built that way.

I first realized it when I started to look at dresses. I knew right away that I wanted something simple. No beads, no lace, absolutely NO sequins (for some reason I have always had an aversion to them). Possibly a second color involved in the form of a ribbon around my waist, but that is as dressy as I was wiling to get.

Then began the search. It was horrible. No matter how many dresses I looked at none appealed to me. Not a one. And I literally looked at HUNDREDS of dresses (thank god for the Internet!). Friends, in an effort to be helpful, emailed me dresses. (I had to assume some of them were jokes in light of the fact I had stressed I wanted a "simple" dress.) Still nothing. So I started looking at bridesmaid dresses. No luck. Then onto prom dresses. Nope. Special Occasion dresses. Zip. Nada. Zero. This was looking like it was going to be an impossible task. I started to think that maybe I would just have to get married in a nice pair of shorts and some flip flops. It would be summer after all. Would that be such a bad thing? (Very much so, according to my mother).

As a last resort I even looked on Craigslist to see what they had. Most of the dresses were way too big. Apparently skinnier brides either keep their dresses or are not getting married at the same rate as their more voluptuous counterparts. If you don't believe me go to Craigslist under Fore Sale and type in "wedding dress." 1 out of 10 is under size 14.

These posts were painful at times. Some were simply that the bride had chosen another dress after she purchased the first. Some told the tale of divorce. Others explained their wedding had been canceled. It got worse. Several ladies had been left at the alter after being bamboozled by some Internet Don Juan. And in one case the bride gave the maid of honor the money to pick up the dress and she was never seen again! Some of these stories were so pathetic I began to wonder if these were sales ploys to get you to feel sorry for these women who really just wanted to make some extra money selling their dress. Regardless, they were all ugly. And besides, did I really want to buy a dress that belonged to someone who had been scammed?

Then I decided to actually go to a few stores. I figured that if I tried on some dresses I might find one I liked. Alas, it was more of the same, and unfortunately worse. First off, white is definitely not my color. Not only do I look ridiculous (because let's face it, at 39 I am no virgin bride), but I know me. I am not the most graceful creature in the world (ravishing though I may be). I would spill something on that within the first 30 minutes. I am nothing if not practical. Second, all the dresses went to the floor or just above my feet. I was planning on getting married in a campground for God's sake! Did I really want to be spending the day in a dress, much less one with a train, that became more disgusting as my special day went on? I think not. Finally, I hope to dance at my wedding. And when I dance, I MOVE! All these formal gowns restricted movement in such a way (including breathing) it was apparent I would have difficulty letting it all hang out on the dance floor (or even sitting down for that matter). As I drove away I began to suspect there was something seriously defective in my make-up.

What was wrong with me? Why didn't I want a floor length satin or silk type dress with beautiful beading/rhinestones/and/or lace? Why did I want to simultaneously run the other way and throw up when I saw myself in the same dresses that made other girls squeal with delight? Why could I not find a dress that suited me DAMMIT! Was it because my mother had thrown her wedding dress out rather than save it up in the attic to be lovingly taken down and unwrapped for my sisters and I on special occasions? Was it because I was a tomboy when I was younger and preferred jeans and sneakers to the pretty outfits that my younger sister so enjoyed? Could it be because of the pot I smoked in high school? (I hear if guys smoke enough of it they will get breasts. Maybe it makes girls more masculine?)

And then, as I lolled around lazily on my parents' couch watching the umpteenth episode of Bridezilla and Platinum Wedding, I began to realize what it was. Every single girl on these shows (and there are a LOT of shows about people's weddings) said the same thing when they put on their dress. "Oh, it's just like I envisioned. It makes me look and feel like a princess!"

A princess? A princess? Who the hell wants to be the freaking princess!? I don't want to look like some helpless waif that needs some prince charming to come and rescue me from the perils of everyday life (which mainly consists of having to go to bars in the hopes of meeting someone to settle down with so you never have to go back another such bar). I am not a frail delicate piece of flesh to be treated with kid gloves and protected from the harsh realities of life. I do not sit quietly behind the throne while others make the decisions.

Princess my ass! On my wedding day I want to look like the damn QUEEN! The queen rocks! Everyone knows that the King doesn't have any power. It's the Queen that runs the show. She may have to jump on a horse and ride bareback through the kingdom at a moments notice so she can do battle with whatever threatens her kingdom. She rules with wisdom and grace, but is tough as nails when necessary. She commands attention, and more importantly, she has PRESENCE. That's the type of bride I want to be on my wedding day. Not some pansy princess!

Luckily, I finally found something that appealed to me and met with the approval of two of my closest friend. There is nary a bead on it. It is completely devoid of ornamentation. But I have to admit I look totally awesome! Because on my wedding day when I finally walk down that aisle I want the only thing that dress to show off is me, and I am no little girl going to the prom. I am woman, HEAR ME ROAR!

Second Thoughts

Well, I haven't written for a while because I took a week and went to NY to visit with family and friends. It was mostly a great trip, other than the fact my Mom was in the hospital for most of it. Despite that it was very fun, especially after she got out and offered to pay for my wedding dress (let's face it, she knows me, even she said she was getting off cheaply).

I got to celebrate getting engaged with folks who I grew up with and don't get to see very often, I was taken out to dinner, I was given champagne, and spent as much time as possible on the beach soaking up the sun and trying to bear the humidity that was overpowering at times. I also watched countless hours of Bravo and other cable channels because I never get off West Coast time when I go there, and my folks have cable (I do not). I saw endless hours of Project Runway (yeah!), as well as Bridezilla and Platinum Weddings (it was research!).

Still, even with all that tv and socializing I had a lot of time on my hands. Time to think. And unfortunately that resulted in some second thoughts on my part. Not about getting married. (Are you kidding, this is a great gig!) But about the location. After figuring out the price of the event for just 1 day at Silver Falls, I think that we can do it for TWO days at my original choice of location. (Grant is going to kill me.) Yes, it will be more of a hassle in some sense in that we will likely have to get the food prepared for everyone by friends on site, or have it catered, BUT I am pretty sure the benefits of having it closer to Portland for 2 days will far outweigh any hassle. Besides, I have wonderful friends that will take care of all of that for me so I don't have to think about it. Especially Betsy who has assured me she wants no speaking role in the wedding. I think head food director would be a GREAT alternative!

Well, I have a call into Still Meadows and all I can do is see what happens. If they return it, great, let's discuss. If not, then we have the location at Silver Falls.

I can't wait to blog tomorrow about the effect of watching all those episodes about weddings. For now, I have to get to work. Especially if I want to have $28,000 worth of flowers at my wedding!

Grant - from Mexico

Well greetings to all. I am currently in Mexico, and I have finally figured out how to add my own blog entries. I haven´t seen the last few entries that Sonia has made, but i know that she is the one who is worrying about all of the details of planning etc. For my part, while I recognize the necessity of such details, I`m really not that worried. I know that we have a great group of friends and relatives, and I believe that it will be great experience for all come what may. From the beginning, I thought that Silver Falls was a great location and the cabins and facilities look really nice. This is the yin and yang effect of Sonia and Grant. Sonia, who is clearly more gifted in the planning/organizational department, gets stressed out and I lend her the soothing gift of my laid-back attitude. Together, I have faith that we will arrive on that day with our friends and family around us and it will be a day to remember. Anyway, cheers to all from Mexico and I hope you are all having a great summer

Freaking Breeders

Sorry, I just have to vent. No offense to all the folks who have babies, but seriously, do you ever consider those of us who are getting started later in life on the marriage road when you decide to have kids? I think not, and I consider it very selfish of you.

You sit down with your spouse, partner, whatever, and you have that conversation about kids. These are the things that get discussed: Should you have them? Can you afford them? Will one of you stay home or will they go in day care? What about their education? Will you have to move to get into a better school district? And if you have one, should you have 2?

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but you know what? That whole conversation is completely about YOU! It's all about how having a kid will affect YOUR life. Know what's missing from that conversation? ME! ME and my unmarried self who is so excited that I have finally found the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with, who has finally gotten past the stress of having to find a place to get married, but who is starting to realize that with a seating limit of 150 guests if you include all the kids that you so thoughtlessly decided to have (and some of you had the gall to have more than 1), we end up with 38 children. That's right, THIRTY-EIGHT!

How am I supposed to fit the adults that I have known for years and desperately want at the wedding when 38 of the seats/meals are going to be taken up by toddlers? And it doesn't matter if little Billy only wants a pbj sandwich, we have to pay for the whole meal, which is only slightly less than the adults. (Thankfully, none of our friends' children are named Billy. But if one is and I forgot, then please know this post isn't about you. It's about ALL people with kids, including my nephews!) Not to mention the lodging! We have space for only 56. Everyone else will be on their own. But the sheer number of kids even in that area mean that more folks will have to camp or find their own lodging than I would prefer.

It has been suggested to me that I have a kid-free wedding. Not gonna happen. I have nephews and there are some kids that I am very close to. Also, it's a weekend event. You can't ask people coming from Seattle to leave their children with someone else. Not to mention the people coming from across the country. (Would you mind leaving the baby in the lost and found for 48 hours? I'm sure it will be fine!) Another suggestion was to only have them at the wedding, not the reception. Not feasible in light of the location. Another idea was to only allow children that are in the wedding party. Well, I would either have to have an enormous wedding party involving children or we are still faced with the same issue since it's an on-site out of town wedding.

I know I will figure it out. I just thought the thinking part would be over. Maybe it won't be that big of a deal. I just wish some of my friends weren't so inconsiderate when it comes to my wedding!

Do me a favor, try not to get prenant in the next 5 months.

The Dress - DONE!

I know, one would expect that this would have taken a long time. After all, the dress is a critical part of any wedding. As a bride you want to look as beautiful as you ever have on your wedding day. For me it has been even more stressful. Not many women have had as many opportunities as I have to wear fancy dresses. With my auctionoeering and emceeing jobs, I have a closet full of beautiful formal dresses, which many of my friends have seen me in. That meant I had to find something that would totally blow them away and make them forget every dress they had seen before. Well, I think I found it. And I am so excited, I had to post it! SCREW TRADITION! Here it is!

So....what do you think? I saw this picture and I KNEW that was the dress! I really didn't want a traditional veil, and I wanted something that would appropriate outdoors. I found this on the internet and I KNEW it was the one for me.

There were a couple of runner ups, which I am also posting. There was this one, which had a nice Latin flavor that I liked....

My friend David offered to buy me the boobs that I would need to go with it, which I though was very generous. But he is already going to buy us a plasma screen tv for a wedding present and I didn't want to take advantage.

Then there was this one, which I called the "cloud" dress. This is because my friend Betsy pointed out that the photo makes it look like she is floating. I really liked the whole transparent feature in the middle of the corset style part of the dress. You get to show a little skin, but not really. The addition of the train in the back really makes it classy, don't you think?

Anyway, I just can't wait to put on my Celine Dionne headpiece and greet Grant at end of the aisle. I will feel like the most beautiful bride in the world! (Well, the most beautiful bride Posing as a Klingon in battle regalia.)

ACK! ACK! ACK!!! (and a clarification)

This is what happens when you are distracted by your wedding when you are at work! I went to tell a few folks about the date of the wedding (in the unlikely event they weren't reading the blog), and I accidentally the Oregon Trial Lawyer LISTSERVE! That thing has hundreds of names! ACK!

Luckily these folks are of a type who I am sure will understand (and possibly even get a kick out of it), but still, ACK!

Please, if you were included on that list, I would ask that you respect my relative privacy (what shred I have left) and do not visit this blog again. I would not feel comfortable posting here if I thought professional acquaintances were visiting. And as I write this, I think I am going to have to just start a new blog so no one has to even think about this. Shoot! I was just figuring this one out!

Oh well. And for those of you who asked (ironically, someone from the listserve), it's July 25th 2009.

Sheesh!

And We Have a Date!

July 25th! July 25th! JULY 25TH!!!

Whew! I am sooo glad that's over. The only bummer (and it really isn't that bad) is that they don't have all 76 rooms available. They have 4 lodges (which sleep 12 each) and and 2 duplexes (which sleep an additional 8). So, a few more people will have to either try and book rooms or camp at the state park, adjacent to where we are, or they will have to stay in nearby Silverton, which is 15 minutes away.

Whatever. Go fend for yourselves. WE HAVE A DATE!

Nerves....

Wish me luck. In 15 minutes i Make the call. I did not sleep well last night because I kept having anxiety dreams about making the reservation. I was so distracted that when I got to the gym I realized I had forgotten to pack a bra today (thank god I work downtown!). If everything is taken in July, well, then I have until August to both try again with this place as well as keep looking.

Tic-toc. Tic-toc.